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Description
The Dark Lord's Guide to Dating (and Other War Crimes)A conflicted villain and his unstoppable bride form the realms most chaotic alliance in this riotously funny dark romantasy perfect for fans of Assistant to the Villain, but darker and spicier. Whats mine stays mine. Step One: Kidnap someone cute. Step Two: Force her into marriage. Step Three: Try not to catch feelings. When Dark Lord Kazimir Blackrose kidnaps Lady Arabella for a forced marriage, he expects an obedient, trembling bride. What he gets
A conflicted villain and his unstoppable bride form the realm’s most chaotic alliance in this riotously funny dark romantasy perfect for fans of Assistant to the Villain, but darker and spicier.“What’s mine stays mine.”
Step One: Kidnap someone cute.
Step Two: Force her into marriage.
Step Three: Try not to catch feelings.
When Dark Lord Kazimir Blackrose kidnaps Lady Arabella for a forced marriage, he expects an obedient, trembling bride. What he gets is a knife to the throat and a furious woman with demands of her own. He may need her heroic bloodline to achieve ultimate dominion, but she’s not about to make this easy for him.
Arabella has already survived her father’s tower prison and a lifetime of being treated like property. Getting abducted by the realm’s most notorious villain is just another Tuesday. If she must be married to the infuriating (and infuriatingly attractive) Dark Lord, she’ll do it on her terms: freedom within his fortress, hands strictly to himself, and complete honesty about his plans.
But when those plans go awry, Kazimir faces his most terrifying challenge yet: he must date his own wife. Between magical training sessions, playing golf with the eyeballs of his enemies, and aphrodisiac dinners gone spectacularly wrong, his attempts at villainous seduction are failing at every turn.
As Kazimir and Arabella navigate magical explosions and jealous exes, they discover a far more terrifying prospect than war or magical catastrophe: They might actually be falling for each other.
This dark and sexy fantasy romance is perfect for readers who love: a morally gray antihero (who stays that way); a strong heroine who embraces her dark side (she doesn’t need rescuing, thanks); touch her and die trope; hilarious, wicked banter and sizzling spice; one bed/forced proximity; kidnapped bride/forced marriage; and dark humor.
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4.0 ★★★★★
Based on 27 reviews
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Product Reviews
★★★★★ 5
Good size, lasts a long time
Dog likes these. She has her moments when this is only chew toy she wants, and spends days gnawing on it. She likes these bacon and chicken flavors. I like the fact that there is no squeak. This is a good size for full size Aussie, and I also like that she doesn’t “throw” these at me, she lays on the couch or floor and chews. They help to keep her teeth clean from plaque and tartar, so to me they are very functional. This is 4th or 5th buy again, so I wouldn’t buy again if she didn’t like. It does take a while for her to chew to point of needing new, since I keep variety of chew toys for her.
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Reviewed in the United States on January 18, 2026
★★★★★ 5
Great chew
My pup’s favorite, great quality and it doesn’t give him a tummy ache. Lasts a good while and keeps him occupied.
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Reviewed in the United States on January 29, 2026
★★★★★ 5
Awesome!
**update: we have had this toy for over a year! I have found one other con. Once chewed if you step on it you will immediately drop to the floor in agonizing all encompassing pain or (my personal favorite) say every dirty curse word you have ever heard while clutching your destroyed instep. BUT even though this chewed bone is the demon child of a LEGO and a race car to step on my dogs still love it, still chew it and we haven’t had to replace it yet!
I have an insane chewer where toys usually last us less than 24 hours. It has become almost impossible for us to keep up with toys because of how expensive it has become. This toy is not only insanely durable but she has not left it alone for the 3 days we’ve had it.
I was concerned that being “chicken flavored” would mean stinky or sticky and I was very pleasantly surprised that it was neither! It doesn’t leave a stain once chewed, it doesn’t smell, and it doesn’t have a weird coating on it.
The only con so far is that due to it being so durable and hard it makes a loud noise when dropped on the tile or hardwood which made her nervous toward it at first but now that she’s started working on it she could care less about the noise. Super happy with this purchase and will 100% buy more in various sizes for our other pups.
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Reviewed in the United States on March 26, 2023
★★★★★ 5
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ FINALLY! A toy that can handle my furry demolition expert!
Flavor Name: Beef, Size: Large
Let me tell you about Moxie, my 97-pound Rottweiler who has made it her life's mission to destroy every single toy that dares enter our home. This girl has teeth that could probably open cans and jaws that make nutcrackers jealous. I've spent more money on "indestructible" dog toys than I care to admit, only to find sad little pieces scattered across my living room within hours.
BUT THEN... enter the Tikaton Indestructible Dog Chew Toy! 🎉
I'll be honest - I bought this with zero expectations. Just another victim for Moxie's reign of terror, right? WRONG! This bone has been in our house for THREE MONTHS and it's still going strong! Sure, Moxie has made some progress (she's persistent, I'll give her that), but this thing is holding up like a champ against her industrial-strength chompers.
The best part? Moxie is absolutely OBSESSED. She carries this bone around like it's her precious treasure, gnawing away contentedly for hours. It's given my furniture, shoes, and sanity a much-needed break!
Pros:
Actually lives up to the "indestructible" claim (mostly!)
Keeps my destruction-loving pup busy for hours
Great value - lasting months instead of minutes
No weird smell or toxic materials
Cons:
Nothing is truly indestructible when facing Hurricane Moxie, but this comes pretty darn close!
Fellow owners of canine wrecking balls - THIS IS THE ONE! Your wallet and your home will thank you.
Update: Month 4 and still chewing! Moxie approves this message with enthusiastic tail wags.
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Reviewed in the United States on June 5, 2025
★★★★★ 5
Beef is her favorite
Flavor Name: Beef, Size: Large, Flavor Name: Beef, Size: Large
Our Belgian Malinois loves them, her favorite is the beef, as you can see. They last several months, we swap them out around the 3 to 4 month mark.
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Reviewed in the United States on May 16, 2026